Oh, Hi There!

A recent conversation with a friend reminded me of this little ol' blog that I used to keep. It's been a while since I've updated anything on here and I know exactly why. I fall into the same rut when I'm not exactly content with life. I wrote a post on it back in 2011 about it. (Click here to read: "I Had to Ask Myself".) I am never eager to document life when life isn't exactly what I want it to be. RC has been gone a lot lately. Every month since December he has spent a few weeks each month away. He has done amazing things and accomplished a lot during the times he was gone and I am incredibly proud of him, but it does often make me feel like life is in a standstill again. Just waiting. Waiting for some resemble of our "normal" life to come back. I think that's something I am always going to struggle with as an Army wife. The never ending transition of being content as a couple to remembering how to be content and happy alone. So I'm reminded of the quote I found almost 3 years ago. 

"Your life is right now. It's not later. It's not in that of retirement. It's not when the lover gets here.

It's not when you've moved into the new house. It's not when you get the better job.

Your life is right now. It will always be right now.

You might as well decide to start enjoying your life right now,

because it's not going to get better than right now-until it gets better right now!"

-Esther Hicks

I will say that I have done a pretty bang-up job of enjoying life with my other half away. I have been incredibly blessed to have found an amazing group of women to work out with here at Grafenwoehr. Schweinfurt set the precedent and I'm just hoping every duty station from here on out connects me with motivating, WOD loving ladies. :) Being fit and active really is my saving grace. Every morning we work out, encourage, and embrace the suck together. We've also started a spouses volleyball league. So between practices and weekly evening games that has also helped keep me busy. Besides staying active there is one other thing that has kept me sane over these last few months. And that's my little fur ball. Only he's not so little anymore. At 5 months old he is already close to 50 lbs. Zeke really has been the best companion. He has just the sweetest temperament and follows me everywhere around the house. Even lays on the bathroom floor and watches me as I get ready. I love him to pieces and probably give him close to 100 kisses a day on his little nose. 

So there is somewhat of a summary of the last few months. We will resume our traveling next month with a trip to the States in May for a wedding and graduation. In July we are planning on visiting Malaga, Spain for a few relaxing days in the sun. Then fast forward to the Fall and after more Army training we should be able to visit Rome in October. I am so looking forward to getting back into traveling!

Deployment Diary: Week 14

It's been a MONTH since I last updated this blog. So what's happened since then? Well, we are 1/3 of the way through this deployment! Fall has officially arrived in Germany. The temperature has dropped, the leaves are changing, the pumpkin festival in Ludwigsburg has opened, and Oktoberfest is in full force. Fall is probably my favorite time of the year and I must say I love it all-- The crispness in the air, pumpkin flavored everything, and appropriate weather for boots & scarves!

Honestly, the month of September flew by. Nothing terribly exciting happened. I didn't travel anywhere. I don't have any pictures to share and no real exciting news. Instead I thought I'd share what I've been trying to accomplish during this deployment... being healthy in all aspects of my life. 

BEING HEALTHY: 

Emotionally, Spiritually, and Physically

Emotionally: There are a number of things that have helped me keep sane during this deployment. I talk to my family. A LOT. They have been my greatest support system and talking to my parents on Skype for sometimes hours a day makes this deployment life feel a little more normal. I have a schedule. Consistency helps me feel a little more in control and makes the days go by faster. Trying to stay involved. I tend to be a little more reserved and a homebody, but I try to connect with the other wives here. They understand this crazy, awful process and are an amazing soundboard & make me feel a little less crazy.

Mostly I try to remember that such an extreme separation like this is emotional. Sadness, bitterness, anger, jealousy, loneliness, fear, calmness, excitement, or happiness. Whatever it is. It's all normal. And God-willing it won't last forever. I try to remember that and let myself have bad days. I don't have to be happy all the time. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to feel lonely. Ultimately I don't ever want to feel guilty about anything that I'm feeling and I think embracing that is a healthy outlook. 

Spiritually: I'm not going to lie. This element of living a healthy lifestyle has been on the back burner for quite a while. I think it's easier to see the visual side effects of poor physical and poor emotional health, but poor spiritual health can be much more detrimental. Since we've been in Germany (and some time before if I'm being completely honest) I've been pretty fat and lazy regarding my spiritual health. It's been a me, me, me kind of relationship. Always taking and never giving. So I've really been trying to turn that around. I've been consistent in our tithing. Earlier this month I started journaling again and began watching/listening to messages from the church we attended in GA: Crosspointe Church. I'm still looking for a consistent daily devotional and I'm definitely a work in progress.

I've been trying to let go and let God. A healthy spiritual life dips into a healthy emotional life and I know this. I just need to work on it. Knowing that God has a bigger plan has helped me have a better outlook on this deployment. If we are in the center of His will then this is the path He has chosen for us and we will be blessed. Although it may be hard and often overwhelming He is my greatest source of strength.  

Physically: This journey has been an exciting one for me.  I've been participating in a CrossFit style class at our gym on post since the middle of July and I am hooked. I think this video gives you the best description of what CrossFit is. Every day I go in it is a challenge. Every day it's something new. And if it's not a "new" workout I've done before it's still a challenge because I am competing against my previous time. Every day I'm surprised by what my body is able to do. I never thought I would be so into weightlifting, but after doing this style workouts I don't know if I'll ever go back. I grew up playing sports and once I got into college I missed it. I knew I still needed to be active, but running on a treadmill and using some machines DID NOT motivate me to go to the gym. CrossFit is motivating. I wish I had found CrossFit a long time ago. 

CrossFit has also changed the way I think about my body A LOT. Woman are way too obsessed with how much they weigh. Have you ever seen a picture comparing 5 lbs of fat and 5 lbs of muscle? Want another example of how body weight is not a true example of being in-shape and healthy? I'm embracing the phrase "strong is the new skinny". Now I only weigh myself once a month. I've learned that how I look (is there more muscle tone? are my legs/arms more defined?) is more important that what numbers come up on a scale. My ultimate goal does not have a number involved -- it has a physical appearance.  Again I'm a work in progress but I'm loving this journey. 

Deployment Diary: Week 7

This week was definitely out of the norm. I spent the entire week in Wiesbaden/Mainz for work training. No Crossfit, absolutely no gym time, but lots of shopping & wining and dining!  I was lucky to have some amazing girls in our class and we spent pretty much ever waking minute together. We were a nice mesh of Army and Air Force  and we even had some lovely girls from the UK. I learned that my English accent was actually pretty good and thanks to them I'm going to start trying to integrate the words "wag" and "posh" into my vocabulary. :)

Deployment Diary: Week 5

This week started out a little rough. RC and I have had pretty constant communication since he left, but that stopped all of a sudden. Completely out of the blue. For 2 days I didn't hear from him and I was a little freaked out. I knew something was wrong. I soon found out that all soldiers in his region were put on a media blackout because two men, a specialist and a private, were killed. A number of other individuals were injured. With the way technology and Facebook is they are mandating blackouts so that families can be properly notified before someone senselessly posts something on Facebook.  

My heart aches for their families and instantly I was reminded how real this war is. 

The rest of my week was spent at work and continuing the CrossFit/functional fitness classes in the evening. I've developed some nice calluses, determined my baseline for weightlifting, and hopefully gained/toned some muscles! I also conquered round two against these gawd-awful walls and hung some curtains in our living room. Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, a retelling of Cinderalla from one of the "ugly stepsisters", is my current read.

Also, here's a picture of one of the Daddy or Hero Dolls. You can place a picture under the plastic piece in front of his face. I'm not gonna lie, it's kind of creepy looking and the dudes got crazy hair. But these are a great tool to help kids deal with separation from their solider.. or errrr wives when there are extra Daddy Dolls left over. :)

Friday's Letters

DEAR GERMANY, this rainy weather needs to stop. I would like to get at least a tiny bit of a tan. I am already pale and don't need to be translucent by the time winter rolls around. DEAR HUSBAND, I got a "hero doll" so now your cute face is going to go everywhere with me. Travels to European countries, Thanksgiving dinner, and most definitely Christmas morning. DEAR NINJA MOSQUITO, must you be so allusive and always attack at night? I've never even seen you yet I wake up with bites on my arm every morning. Also, there are about 5 million of your brothers and sisters in South Carolina. You are one of like 5 in Germany. Why did you have to pick my home to live in? DEAR CONCRETE WALLS,  I may have bent the first nail I used, but eventually I  succeeded in hanging pictures! Emma for the win! DEAR CROSSFIT CLASS ON POST, I'm looking forward to you kicking my butt tonight. DEAR HUSBAND, We made it one month! And I miss your face. A lot.